As is often the case, I find that my deepest reflection - and by extension, my best posts - come from my bad days. Today was a Bad Day.
Let me begin by saying that I am a perfectionist. I love to do things right, I love organization, I love when everything works out just so. This type of personality makes teaching incredibly frustrating sometimes because one never masters teaching. I will never have foolproof classroom management or an ideal curriculum; I will never be the perfect teacher.
I have had other jobs in my life where I felt that I approached perfection. In my summer job in middle management, coordinating overwhelming amounts of logistics, I felt pretty successful much of the time. As a stage manager, I can call a perfect show and find common rehearsal time out of 30+ individual schedules. And while I take a sense of pride in that work and it feels good when I "nail it," the accomplishments are not so thrilling. Even when I do something perfectly, it does not make my heart sing.
The highs in teaching are different. When I have a great day, an awesome student interaction, a smooth class where I can see students learning and developing - that does make my heart sing. Even the simple joy of getting a hug from a student or hearing "I love you, Ms. H!" takes the sting out of a rough day. The highs are higher, but the lows are lower. And at this point, there are definitely a lot of rough days.
But of course - I am young. I am inexperienced. I am trying and failing (and occasionally succeeding). I am learning so much, every single day. As an artist; as a teacher; as a student; I should know to expect nothing different, as long as I continue to reflect and grow.
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Currently reading: between PK report season and two plays this month, I have had precious little time to read!
Current high: a dirty soy chai tea latte and delicious dinner made by roomie!
Current low: November, aka the month of staying at school past 7 and continuing to work from home...
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