Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Final Practicum Reflection

One of my last assignments for the practicum was a one- to two-page reflection on the experience. Almost verbatim, here is that assignment.

I look back on my first meeting with the licensure coordinator. In her calm, kind voice, she spelled out for me all the requirements of the four years to come. She must have seen the fear in my eyes after she told me about the culmination of the psychology & education major: two weeks of lead teaching. She reassured me that by the time that comes, the students are ready for it, but I was wary.

I look back on my first day in the practicum. It was a whirlwind. I spent most of my day sitting in the back of the classroom during whole-group instruction or next to Mrs. M during independent work, trying to internalize the routines, the students’ names, the culture. I was brought along to an RTI on three students I had barely met, meeting half a dozen more school professionals. I was completely overwhelmed, but also exhilarated by the challenge.

I look back on my first day of accidental lead teaching. I was stressed out of my mind. I spent all of lunch in the classroom, grading center work. I stayed for two hours after school, catching up on grading and prepping next week’s center work. Mrs. G across the hall urged me to go home—but Mrs. V was out again the following week, so my work was well-timed!

I look at where I am today, as my practicum draws to a close. I think of all those former selves, and I wonder how they all added up to become who and what I am today. All those past versions of Grace would doubtless be amazed by the teacher I have become, as am I. The two greatest experiences for my growth were during lead teaching. Leading an entire day without another adult in the classroom is so different from leading one or two lessons with your CT sitting back behind your students. I tried things that worked, and I tried things that didn’t work. I discovered my style: positive, calm, authoritative, encouraging. Developing and implementing units for different disciplines was also a great learning experience. Social studies was carefully developed and planned far in advance; math was adapted from an existing curriculum; reading was based on a chapter from Growing Readers; writing was planned out day-to-day with my CT and the ELA specialist as we observed student progressed and determined their needs. It was so interesting to explore all these different methods of planning and figure out when and how each can be used most effectively.

As I look toward the future, I know there is plenty more to learn ahead of me; every teacher I have spoken with agrees that they never stop learning. I have learned to constantly set goals for self-improvement. I have learned that mistakes are an essential part of the process, and can be extremely helpful if you critically reflect upon them. I have learned that if something doesn’t work, just stop doing it and try something new. I have learned to find things to love in every student, even on the days when they’ve found my last nerve. I have learned to see the whole child and develop home-school connections to deeply understand where a student is coming from. I have learned that for me, education is a passion and a calling, and I am extremely blessed to be have discovered such a love for my chosen profession.


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Currently reading:  okay, I've been busy knitting a baby blanket for my CT.  It has replaced my reading time.  So sue me.
Current high:  I found out yesterday that I will be my class' baccalaureate speaker in a few weeks :)
Current low:  ONLY TWO AND A HALF DAYS LEFT.

Monday, April 22, 2013

Endings

This weekend I had one of my biggest lasts: my last choral concert, the culmination of my four years in the Choral Forces of my college. I must say, I went out with a bang: I was performing in fifteen of the nineteen songs, including a Corsican trio. This concert was also huge evidence of my growth, from my first semester as a member of the Chorale, to this year as a soloist in the Chamber Singers and president of Chorale. Our choral director also recently invited me to be one of the three students to lead the Alma Mater at Commencement, the close of the ceremony. I am honored by the continuous opportunities she has given to me, and I look forward to celebrating a wonderful year of singing tonight.

As the semester, the academic year, and my undergraduate career all draw to a close, so too does my student teaching experience. I'm formulating my plans for my final week (just assisting, lead is done!), creating goodbye gifts for my buddies, scheming for our final celebration. My first grade kiddos all know this is my last week, and I'm trying to assuage their sadness (and my own in turn) by promising to visit and explaining the plans Mrs. V and I have made so far. The idea that this will be done so soon is positively surreal. Every time they bring it up I feel a pang in my gut. I'm dreading the end, which will be the beginning of licensure paperwork and portfolio creation. Ugh!

The good news: after turning in my portfolio on May 2nd, I'll have oodles of free time to see my buddies. Many plans are in progress with EE, IB, SC, and other buddies. Plus potential subbing!

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Currently reading: I'm stalled on The Element. Stay tuned.
Current high: singing...how can I keep?
Current low: endings

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Pounding the Pavement

I got an e-mail from my future boss today.  For next year, she offered me a position as a half-time third grade intern and half time theatre technician!  She said they would work to make them as compatible as possible so that I could be fully involved in the third grade planning and support the theatre department.  One of my dear friends, MW, has accepted an electrician internship for the summer and into October, and I'd been feeling somewhat envious of her future adventure.  This sounds like it could be an amazing way to get the best of both worlds -- teaching one of my favourite grades and doing theatre behind the scenes.  Given my recent shift in goals, I think I would probably want to do a second year with the school working in a grade that I'm licensed for (probably K or 1) before coming back stateside to find a job in a public school -- hopefully here in western MA.  My needs for children and theatre are filled, so once I find a choir to sing in, I'll be set!

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Currently reading:  The Element
Current high:  lunch with my CTs this afternoon
Current low:  spent about 11 hours with a friend in the hospital on Monday night, so I'm still catching up on sleep...

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Reflecting on Newtown

Shortly following the tragic shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School, the early childhood and elementary practicum supervisor at my college sent the senior students this e-mail:

"Those of us who have worked in schools or who plan to work in schools are part of a family, a sisterhood/brotherhood of teachers and school administrators. Our sense of connection with our sisters whose lives were lost is profound, as is our sense of compassion and caring for those who will carry the heavy burden of helping their school community heal even as they must face their own sorrow. We stand strong with them and hold them in our thoughts and prayers."

This morning, our elementary school had an assembly with a local music academy that provides instruction and community to young adults with special needs.  My former kindergarten class was seated a few rows ahead of my first graders, and they enthusiastically called my name and joyfully waved to me.  As I smiled and waved back, my heart was simply bursting.  I feel so very blessed to spend my days with children, who are so filled with light and life.  As I looked over them dancing and smiling and clapping to the music, my eyes filled with tears.  No one can know what they will do when faced with a situation as terrible as the one at Sandy Hook, but I can feel fairly certain that I would value my students' young and precious lives above my own.  I am overflowing with love for all of them, unspeakable joy in their amazing and unique selves.  I wish I could bottle up that feeling of passion and love and carry it with me on my hardest days in the classroom.

I want to close with the lyrics to a song written by a band comprised of several of my high school friends.

Close your eyes, baby; let your imaginings lift you
Rest your head, baby; remember to let your dreams come through
I'm watching, I'm waiting, it's your time to shine
I'll guard you, I'll guide you, you'll be just fine

And you'll learn to speak your mind
And you'll reach up for that star
Grasp, but don't let go of possibility
Keep that star inside your heart
'Cause you're soaring to new heights
And I'm not surprised that you'll learn to shine much brighter
And I'm here

Raise your arms, baby; reach out for dreams that are your own
Smile wide, baby; jump on that cloud that the wind blows
I'm watching, I'm waiting, it's your time to shine
I'll guard you, I'll guide you, you'll be just fine

And you'll learn to speak your mind
And you'll reach up for that star
Grasp, but don't let go of possibility
Keep that star inside your heart
'Cause you're soaring to new heights
And I'm not surprised that you'll learn to shine much brighter
And I'm here

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Currently reading:  still Teaching Children to Care
Current high:  my love for my students and my chosen profession
Current low:  the tugs at my heartstrings as a student pleads, "couldn't you stay just one more day?"

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Erikson's Stages of Teacher Education

As I drove back across campus following Pizza & Conversation with pre-practicum students the other night, I thought of Erik Erikson's seventh stage, Generativity vs. Stagnation.  I love talking to students who are considering becoming teachers, and I often do it casually -- my choir in particular seems to attract a lot of educators!  It was wonderful to spend an hour chatting with my cohort and future teachers about our lives and what they're getting themselves into.  I then began to see my whole experience of the practicum as Eriksonian stages...so here we go!  Apologies for the extreme nerddom :P
  1. Trust vs. Mistrust -- You're about to plunge into the practicum, the culminating event of your college career, the first step toward your future profession.  You think:  can I really do this?  Are all the support systems promised to me (professors, supervisors, licensure coordinator, CT) going to hold up?  Can I trust myself and this system?  You can't sleep the night before you go in, anxious and eager.
  2. Autonomy vs. Shame and Doubt -- Your first day in the classroom feels awkward.  You feel lost.  You sit back, observe the culture, learn students' names.  You follow your CT to lunch and discover there's a fridge where you can keep your milk.  You get dragged along to an RTI and wonder what the heck is going on.  As the days go on, you start to get a feel for the physical and emotional climate of the classroom, and begin to find the horizon.
  3. Initiative vs. Guilt -- As you teach your first few lessons in your placement, you're starting to have a little bit of control over the environment instead of just being a passive participant in it.  You feel nervous the first day you lead Morning Meeting, and you write up a formal lesson plan for your first math lesson.  As those lessons pass and you survive, or even succeed, you start to feel confident.
  4. Industry vs. Inferiority -- As high as you feel after you think you've nailed a lesson, you watch your CT silence the class with the raise of an eyebrow.  "Damn," you think, "I'm so not there yet."  You implement more lessons, you work with more students.  Your management skills develop further as you get to know the class, the children, the culture even better.  You accept that you're a beginning teacher and that your CT has a lot more experience, and that you're right on track for a practicum student.
  5. Identity vs. Role Confusion -- You take on more.  You may lead a whole morning.  You take pride in your work.  You begin to develop your style.  You take risks and try new things to manage or instruct your students.  Hopefully, as lead teaching begins, you've developed your beginning sense of teacher self.
  6. Intimacy vs. Isolation -- By the time lead teaching comes, hopefully you've completely fallen in love with your students.  Taking the reins with your CT out of the room lets you really dig into relationships with challenging kids and get to know what motivates them.  You help a kid with serious emotional troubles have a really great week, tying his highest spelling score all year.  You get hugs, wipe tears, tie shoes, and sign your morning message, "Love, Ms. H."
  7. Generativity vs. Stagnation -- You start a blog.  You talk to your younger friends, share your successes and failures.  You answer their questions and assuage their fears about their future in the program.  You make suggestions for classes, professors, and pre-practicum placements.  They listen to you tell about your experience and validate it.  You feel valuable, giving to the future practicum students of your college.
  8. Integrity vs. Despair -- This last stage I have yet to come to, but here's my guess.  You finish your practicum.  You give your students a special gift to remember your time together, and there are some tears as you dismiss them one last time.  You cry privately, after your little friends have left.  Then you put together your licensure application and your portfolio.  You reflect on your work, your progress, your growth, and you think to yourself, "Damn, I guess I did good."
Here's to the next adventure.

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Currently reading:  still Teaching Children to Care...4 more chapters, then something new!  Recommendations?
Current high:  April vacation is just around the corner, and we ALL need it.
Current low:  choral tour, right back into the work week, and evening commitments daily means I haven't really seen my friends in days :(

Monday, April 8, 2013

Happy Days

Well, today it started to hit my kids that it is now April, and April means the end of my time in their classroom.  We had a quick conversation today about that, and that I will come back and visit before I go home to California.  This turned into about 10 minutes of "let's interview Ms. H," but it came at a good time -- I'm more interesting than storytime ;)

Because I'm feeling a little blue about leaving my kiddos, I wanted to write a list of good things about today.

* My idea of doing a full-class All About book for our unit on informational writing about science is catching on with all the first grade teachers.  Score!  I'm looking forward to taking it a step further and scanning students' pages, recording them reading aloud, and creating an ebook.
* My mom is very close to buying a plane ticket to visit me in Korea for Chuseok (Korean Thanksgiving)!  행복 추석!
* There is some early discussion of family Christmas in Hawaii.  Aloha!
* Wonderful conversation with the district ELL teacher about my future plans.  She, as well as my CT and many others, encouraged me to keep an eye out for an opening in this school after my Korean adventure!  What a compliment, and I'd love to come back to this community.
* Funny student moment today -- I told them I was in first grade in 1996, and one of them said, "Wow, that was World War II!"  I'm usually pretty good at keeping composed in front of students, but I just cracked up.
* Meeting the babysitter of one of my first graders, and hearing that she loves me.  Aw, shucks!
* Pizza and Conversation with pre-practicum students!  (Coming soon, a post about the Eriksonian stages of student teaching...this event will come back.)
* Catching up with the licensure coordinator.  She asked for the link to this blog, so hello to her and any other new readers she passed it along to!
* Building upon the idea of coming back to work at my current placement, the licensure coordinator mentioned that I could also take on MHC students in pre-practicums and practicums.  Sounds like a fun deal to me!
* I'm done with nearly all of my lead teaching plans, other than writing, which is more of a day-by-day planning enterprise with myself, my CT, and our ELA specialist.  No more toting the math curriculum back and forth!
* Just got an e-mail from the principal responding to my invitation for her to observe a lesson.  She's excited to watch me do a read-aloud and worksheet on Venn diagrams on Wednesday!

There's so much more I could say, but I'm getting sleepy and I want to do a little more research for my next post.  Until next time, dear readers...!

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Currently reading:  still Teaching Children to Care.  Great book, but takes a while to get through.
Current high:  have you been paying attention?!?
Current low:  not ready to leave my little buddies...

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

7 Ways in Which College Life is Different from Teacher Life

1.  If you don't show up for a college class, it usually doesn't affect many people beyond yourself.  If you don't show up for school in the morning, there will be hell to pay:  angry administrators, unprepared subs, explosive students.

2.  If you ask for an extension on a college paper or project, most professors will probably give it to you if they find you charming or you have a good reason.  You can't ask for extensions on lesson plans; they have to be ready unless you want to stare blankly at your children and watch them quickly spiral out of control.

3.  In college, you might be able to get away with never waking before noon and staying up until 3AM or later.  Teachers wake up before 7AM daily for school, and usually by 9AM even on non-school days.  Bedtime by 11PM is ideal.

4.  College students can pull all-nighters to finish a paper or hang with friends.  As a teacher, erratic sleep schedules and late nights will make you a zombie, which is not something you want to be with 18 first graders clamoring for your attention.  Routines are your friend.

5.  Wearing sweats to college classes is totally within the range of normal.  Wearing sweats as a teacher is totally unacceptable, except on PJ day.  Gotta class it up.

6.  Unprepared for class?  Just lay low, avoid eye contact with the prof, and doodle around on your notes or laptop.  There is no under-the-radar when you're a teacher.  You ARE the radar.

7.  The minutiae of your friends' personal drama can take up oodles of your time.  So can the personal drama of the girls in your first grade class.  Oh wait, that one's not so different.

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Currently reading:  Teaching Children to Care
Current high:  nice dinner with the roomie tonight :)
Current low:  late late work shifts last night and tonight...sleeeeeepy days!  Also forgot my guided reading group planning sheets and All About book at school, d'oh.