Teaching Sexism

Oh goodness.  My dear readers.  I am SO sorry for my lengthy absence from posting!  I felt like I didn't have anything new and interesting to say for a while there.  But yesterday I had a really surprising and thought-provoking experience that I would love to share.

For our current project in science lab, one class struggled to put themselves into groups, so they were assigned to groups of four at random.  One particular group is composed of three boys and one girls.  This isn't all that unusual - there's more boys than girls in grade three this year, so they're all able to cope.  At one point, the female student in this group, RL, came to me to express her frustration.  She told me that the boys wouldn't tell her their plans for the project or let her help.  This isn't all that unusual - I have had similar conversations with lots of groups of all different compositions.  I went over and spoke with all of them about functioning as a team and including all members in the design process.  After addressing both factions' concerns, I left them with one of the boys, RK, explaining their vision to the whole group.

A few minutes later, RL stormed up to me again, telling me the boys wouldn't let her help because what they were doing was "too dangerous" and she couldn't do it because she was a girl.  I was absolutely floored by this.  I went to the group again, and asked them why the task (cutting a hole into a plastic bottle) was too dangerous for a girl.  They hemmed and hawed and said they didn't know.  I asked if it was too dangerous for me, and they said of course not.  I introduced them to the term "sexism" and explained that girls can do anything boys can do.  We connected to one of our core values, fairness, highlighting that it's not fair to tell girls there is something they cannot do simply because of who they are.

I walked away from the interaction with a sour taste in my mouth, and I felt like I hadn't handled it as well as I could have.  Obviously I think it is so important to educate my students on equality at a young age, especially in a culture as patriarchal as South Korea.  But in that moment, I felt powerless to articulate that in an appropriate away.  I could explain it to a high school student, a college student, an adult.  I simply felt that I had not done everything I could with that teachable moment.  I agonized over it all evening, discussing it with a friend and ultimately emailing my principal, a fellow feminist educator.

I had a chance to sit down with Ms. W this morning, which was so useful.  She reminded me that one important thing to celebrate was that RL did recognize that the situation was wrong, and she stood up and took action when she was a victim of sexism.  She also pointed out that even though I may not feel 100% confident in the way I handled the situation, I modeled for RL how to question their behavior and opened a dialogue with those boys.  She encouraged me to continue the discussion with the whole class, and reminded me that it's all about the small conversations - I am not going to teach my students to smash the patriarchy in a single day.

Right after that discussion, I had about ten minutes with my class, so I did just that.  I began by explaining that something had happened during science lab the previous day that had made me uncomfortable, and I wanted to discuss it with all of them.  Without using names, I explained that there had been some boys who told a girl there was something she couldn't do because it was too dangerous for girls.  I told them my feelings that it is not fair for girls to be denied tasks and roles within groups because of their sex or gender, and asked for their responses.

We got into some really interesting stuff - one student said he thinks boys are more embarrassed or ashamed if a girl beats them or is better than them.  Some feelings about organized sports in P.E. also came out, with the girls explaining that they are often told they have to be on defense and they never get the ball.  One male student, SL, was saying that boys have stronger muscles and are better at kicking.  This particular boy's older sister is a soccer superstar, so I pointed that out to him, which seemed to make him reconsider and think in a new way.

Unfortunately we had to cut the conversation short because I forgot I needed to go teach science downstairs (oops), but I thanked them all for discussing their thoughts and ideas with me because it is something I am very passionate about.  I also let them know that I am eager to continue the conversations, either as a class, in small groups, or individually.  I also took a moment later to reach out to RL and tell her how proud I was that when she had people behave toward her in a way that she knew was wrong, she stood up and took action.  I am really interested to see how this will affect their classroom dynamic and interactions in the coming days.

I have always prided myself on striving to be a strong female role model for my students, and I am fairly confident that most of them see me that way.  (I've beat several of them - boys and girls - at arm wrestling, which helps!)  But now I see that just as important as that - if not more so - is to lift up my female students in the eyes of their male peers.  I can teach my girls how to be strong, but I also need to teach my boys how to see and value that strength.

Before I close, I want to say how grateful I am.  I have supportive mentors who inspire me to reach new heights.  I have patient friends who listen to me rant and rave about feminism and pick their brains, and who aren't afraid to challenge me.  I have a family who gave me an incredible upbringing that allowed me to become open-minded and accepting.  I have amazing students who are little sponges, always learning and synthesising and constructing new knowledge.

And now I turn it over to you - how do you teach sexism?  How would you broach conversations on sexism with this age group?

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Currently reading:  The Prince of Fenway Park

Current high:  long weekend ahead, finally making a trip out to Seoraksan and the East Coast

Current low:  low on sleep so far this week

Cry, Cry, Cry

Over the past couple of years, I have experienced an enormous amount of self-discovery and personal growth.  There are a lot of parts of myself that I have learned to accept, and others that I work on consistently.  But one part of my personality drives me absolutely crazy and I just don't know what to do about it.

When I get angry, or involved in any sort of confrontation, I cry.

Take today, for instance.  I went in to talk with our middle school PE department about a policy they have in their intramural sports (goals scored by girls = double points, which feels sexist to me).  I spent a lot of time thinking about possible solutions, brainstorming with like-minded friends, and writing out a bulleted list of ideas.  I was really excited for the conversation, and I tried really hard to set the scene for an open dialogue.  I came in and began by acknowledging them as the experts on their program and students, and asking some questions about the intramural program.  Then I made a couple of suggestions.  Each one I made was quickly dismissed - not without explanation of the reasoning behind it, but it felt to me that as soon as they heard I was coming, they had closed their ranks and their minds.

When I made my third suggestion and it was abruptly cast off when the words had barely passed my lips, I felt it beginning.  The lump in my throat, the slightly ragged breathing, the blurred vision.  Suddenly glad I had brought my water bottle, I routinely sipped from it to keep my throat open, and fiddled with my necklace to keep my hands and mind busy.  As I fought the urge to let the tears fall, I lost the courage to open my mouth and say anything back, knowing that trying to speak would put me in a compromising situation.  The words "your Western sensibilities" and "a bit of a feminist" and "it's empowering for girls" washed over me as I focused on nodding and keeping my eyes open wide and continuing to breathe.  It was all I could do to whisper "Thank you for taking the time" before rushing out the door and blinking hard, pushing the welled-up tears out.  A few minutes later, I wiped my face, checked my makeup, and went straight back to work.  That's how I deal - put your head down and keep going.

But to me, that's not what this is about.  Sure it was a frustrating conversation, and I walked out feeling like I had not been heard or gotten my point across.  My biggest disappointment, though, was in myself; maybe if I'd had a better handle on myself emotionally, I could have articulated myself more clearly and had a more productive talk.  I pride myself on being a passionate person - but how is that an asset if I can't affirm my beliefs and opinions without saline dripping down my face?  I get all fired up and am ready to speak my piece, and then when my feelings are about to overflow through my eyeballs, I fear I will be dismissed as weak.  My choices are to either shut down emotionally and shut up verbally, or cry and face the potential consequences of the assumptions people will make.

"It's okay to cry," people tell me.  "It's important to let it out," they say.  Of course.  But there's a time and a place and an important meeting is neither.  Oh, and I know that not everyone will immediately dismiss me if I break down into tears.  In fact, I had quite the opposite happen in a meeting with Ms. W earlier in the year, which was reassuring...but that's just not the norm.  Honestly, this is so incredibly frustrating to me; I returned to my classroom after the meeting and found myself doing an online search for "how not to cry when you're angry."  I tried some of the suggested strategies as I continued my struggle to regain control over my tear ducts, but pinching myself and holding my breath didn't seem to do it for me.

To be frank, I'm not entirely sure of the point of this post.  I don't have some nice closure with which to wrap up my tale, nor any pithy words of wisdom.  I have only frustration and confusion about how to move forward in my personal journey - I don't know how to accept this part of myself, but I don't know how to change it either.

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Currently reading:  stalled on my latest read, but recently downloaded How To Be A Woman...I'm vibing some feminist reads
Current high:  great dinner and movie date with one of my buddies tonight
Current low:  isn't it obvious?

A non-exhaustive list of totally awesome things I can't believe I get paid to do.

Otherwise known as, reasons my job rocks.

• Give and receive a zillion hugs on the daily
• Have a 45-minute dance party with a bunch of elementary schoolers
• Spend 8 weeks mentoring a group of incredibly bright grade 5 students on their chosen research/action project, gay rights
• Lead empowerment seminars and go running with girls in grades 2 through 5
• Read aloud from my collection of Princess Stories with Attitude to my favourite first graders
• Change third graders' attitudes toward math and their own problem-solving abilities
• Inspire and watch "aha!" moments as students make new connections
• Perform in a parody of "Do You Want To Build A Snowman?" from Frozen

 

• Dress in crazy costumes (Paper Bag Princess for dress-as-your-favourite-book-character day?  Heck yes.  I deeply regret my lack of photographic evidence.)
• Read excellent works of children's and young adult literature
• Be totally crazy-goofy-silly
• Make theatre with kids of all ages, both onstage and behind the scenes
• Teach side-by-side and collaborate with unbelievably talented, inspiring, funny, and loving people
• Change lives.  Every day.

And that's just this week.  Who knows what new insanity the next five days will hold? :)

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Currently reading:  Still Orphan Master's Son
Current high:  no plans weekend!
Current low:  battling time zones and scheduling woes

It's the b*tch of living (overseas)

Alright.  Allow me to open by saying that I absolutely love my life.  I'm very good at blooming where I'm planted, and I definitely feel lucky to be in a job that I love surrounded by an incredible community.

HOWEVER.

There are times when it really, really sucks to live overseas.

I had one of those moments on Saturday night.  A dear friend of mine from college is getting married this summer, and I had been hoping that the fates would align and the date might fall on one of the weekends when I could get time off from my summer job.  The electronic save-the-date card arrived while I was out dancing this weekend, and alas:  two weeks after I come back to Korea, she and her beau will say their vows.  I looked hopefully to see if it would be possible to fly back for the weekend, but it was too much to pay for too little time at their celebration (and WAY too many hours on airplanes!).  I woefully sent my reply along with a few gifts to share my joy at their continuing life together.

This afternoon, I received a message from the bride that simply warmed my heart and brightened my day.  She thanked me so sincerely, and assured me she knew it was a long shot that I'd make it out.  But then, the clincher:  a warm and wonderful reaffirmation of a deep friendship.  Even though I haven't seen her in nearly a year now and we talk only rarely, she is always close to my heart.  Hearing her say again how much she loves me was so heartening.  A little reminder like that goes such a long way.

When you live overseas, or anywhere that keeps you far from your loved ones, it can feel extremely isolating at times.  You gaze longingly as two of your best friends jokingly post on each other's Facebook walls while sitting in the same room; you sigh as another three are tagged in a picture at a birthday celebration.  It can be heartbreaking knowing that you can't be a part of it.  But a small gesture - a Facebook wall post, a Valentine in the mail, a text message - goes so far.

So I end this post with a challenge to you.  Think about your loved ones who may be far from you, and reach out with a small reminder that you care.  I promise you, it will change their day.

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Currently reading:  The Orphan Master's Son by Adam Johnson, who spoke at CI today!
Current high:  the crazy stuff I have done for children this week...stay tuned for a post on that ;)
Current low:  weird headaches all week :-/

Time To Say Goodbye

As anyone who follows me on Twitter knows, today was a very emotional day.  First and foremost, all of the Village School students performed at the second annual dance show, Dolphins Like To Move It!  My third graders did an AMAZING job and I was (and am) simply bursting with pride.  Seriously, check out their sweet moves here.  I also had a great time collaborating with our school's dance teacher on making the show happen this week.

Just look at my sweet tiny darlings.  How cute are they???

But all that excitement and pride was tempered with bittersweet sadness.  Unlike in the American school system, the Korean school year starts in March.  This means that our big season for student withdrawals is...well, right now.  Today we had to say goodbye to two third graders:  one from 3A (the class I worked with first trimester) and one from 3B (my current class).  We celebrated these transitioning students with gifts, cards, snacks, and promises that this isn't goodbye - it's just see you later.  BK from 3B was devastated to be leaving; we've seen a lot of tears from him this week, which was just so hard to watch.  My co-teacher and I gave him all the reassurance we could.  He is such a sweet and sensitive boy, and I know he'll make wonderful new friends and be remarkably successful.  We've promised to share the results of our upcoming science experiments with him on Edmodo (like Facebook for classrooms).

I got to give BK one last hug before he went home at the end of the day, and was worried I wouldn't catch my 3A kiddo, KL.  As luck would have it, as I rushed out to catch the bus after my parent meeting, there he was!  I got a big hug and a promise to keep in touch.  He was such a lively, spirited, funny kid - a real presence in the classroom and the school.

I hate goodbyes.  (To be fair, I don't think there's anyone who really likes them.  But you'd think given how much and how far I've moved in my lifetime, I'd at least be a little better at them.)  I spent the bus ride home crafting emails to both children, expressing my sadness to see them go, my positive vision for their future, and my hope that they will email me from time to time and visit whenever they can.  My heart was overflowing as I typed out my good wishes for them, but it never felt like quite enough.  I only hope that they - and all of my students - understand how deeply I care for them, no matter how far they go or how long it's been.  I truly believe that as a teacher, my greatest strength (and sometimes my fatal flaw) is how much I love my kids.  I am so incredibly invested in each and every child's success and well-being and happiness, and I will do everything in my power to try and help them toward a good life.

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Currently reading:  The Orphan Master's Son by Adam Johnson - who will visit CI next week!

Current high:  my kids' dance performance, I seriously couldn't stop grinning my face off

Current low:  not knowing when I'll see those munchkins again :(

Drama, Drama, Drama

...but don't worry, only in the theatrical sense ;)

I realized it had been a bit of a while since I posted!  Things are getting super busy here at CI, here's what Ms. H has been up to...

• I had been working with a group of seven grade 4 students who wrote plays on staging and rehearsing them.  After a crazy final week of gathering props, creating backdrops, and rehearsing on the big stage, they put on a show for most of the Village School on Valentine's Day!  Check out the final product here.  It's certainly not perfect, and we all learned a lot.  Their teacher has suggested he may have them write one more play before the year is out - this time with a few long scenes instead of so many short ones!
• You may recall way back in the beginning of the year when I talked about House.  In January, they decided to switch up some of the House activities, and added one called Theatre Sports.  As the resident Village School thespian, I was tapped to plan and implement these activities.  The challenge?  Finding and leading a competitive theatre activity that will engage 40 - 80 students for 45 minutes.  I had my first session with one of our largest grade levels, grade 2, on Friday.  Giving instruction was difficult to be sure, but they had fun, and the teachers offered their compliments on the way out!  Stay tuned for video to come the next time I lead the activities!
• Kindergarten is gearing up for a full-grade theatre production in May.  I've been doing some technical advising about the easiest ways to have students create backdrops that don't have to be hung (yay for projections!) and collaborating on doing some simple readers' theatre with small groups.
• Since our school does not have an elementary drama program this year, I have no supplies for my program next year!  It's purchasing season, so I spent several evenings trolling online sites for resource books, props, wigs, hats, and decor.
• Grade 1 is also working on a drama unit right now - so much theatre happening!  I'm guest teaching a lesson on what feelings look like in our faces and bodies tomorrow.  This is probably my favourite grade to teach, so I'm pretty stoked :)
• Our school has a student visiting for two months who is getting her BA in Contemporary Performance Studies, and she has a particular interest in how drama increases confidence for ELL students.  I cannot tell you how many people met her, then came to me and told me that we just had to be introduced!  She helped out with our grade 4 group, and I look forward to continuing to collaborate with her.
• On Thursday evening, I'm jetting off to Singapore!  The wonderful Ms. W helped me get school funding to attend a PYP workshop on encouraging children's creative instincts in the classroom.  I am so excited to get some more guidance on how to build an inquiry-based, student-centred drama program for my kids...and catch a few rays!
• After flying back from Singapore overnight on Sunday, I'll kick off Monday morning with rehearsals for the VS dance show the following weekend.  That should be an interesting week...!

And of course, it's not all drama.  We've also got some regular old grade 3 stuff :)

• For our change unit, we have resumed science lab!  So far we have planted bean sprouts and watered them with different liquids (except none of them have sprouted...uh oh, Ms. H has a black thumb); tried dissolving various liquids in water; and chosen several liquids to freeze.  This week we'll be experimenting with heat instead of cold - either microwaving or burning materials.
• My co-teacher was out for two days over the last week and a half, so Ms. H was flying solo.  We did some fun stuff, and the kids and I are comfortable enough together that it doesn't feel much like subbing.  We are reaching that point in the year when they might be a little too comfortable in the classroom, so they're all starting to push a little bit.  The end of the week was a struggle, but we have high hopes for next week.
• I've started researching Masters programs to begin this fall.  Currently debating Instructional Technology and TESOL - advice on which might be more beneficial is more than welcome!

As anyone who knows me will tell you, I love to be busy.  Good thing - I adore the chaos of my dramatic life :)

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Currently reading:  Invisible Monsters by Chuck Palahniuk
Current high:  brunch with a friend this morning followed by a very productive afternoon!
Current low:  lacking in cooking inspiration :-/

A Change is Gonna Come

Today in 3B, we kicked off our unit on change.

The central idea:  Change is inevitable and happening all around us.
The provocation:  Spend an afternoon modeling an old-fashioned classroom.

Today, my students walked up to the classroom after art class, giggling and goofing around like they usually do, expecting to walk in, be welcomed by Ms. Hudkins, and prepare for mindfulness.  Instead, they were greeted at the door by a stern Ms. Hudkins.  "Please walk in silently, find your seat, and wait quietly for the lesson to begin."

The children entered to find their classroom transformed.  The desks that usually sit in clusters of 4 or 5 were in neat rows, each with a cursive name tag.  They were seated in alphabetical order.  There was no writing on the whiteboard.  A desk for the teacher was moved to the front of the classroom.  They even observed a few changes I made to my own appearance:  hair pulled back, pencil skirt, and heels.  It didn't take long for them to figure out I was serious - anytime sometime talked or whispered to a friend about their surprise, I loudly reminded them that silence was expected inside the classroom.

Then, the lesson began.  I explained that we would be learning cursive writing today.  Each child would practice writing her or his own name, then move on to a series of worksheets in increasing complexity.  I instructed them to raise their hand if they needed anything or finished their work.  They were to work in complete silence.  While they worked, I sat at my desk, grading papers with a red pen and getting up to address students' questions.  If students stood up to blow their nose or get a pencil without permission, they were asked to return to their seats and raise their hands.

After about 35 minutes of silent practice, I had a student collect the worksheets while I began drilling times tables.  We went in order around the classroom from 1x1 to 10x10.  Having finished that, I couldn't handle it anymore, and broke into a smile.  I explained that I had made some changes for the afternoon to help introduce our new unit, and it was time to discuss.  Before I introduced discussion questions, several people burst out with "You were scary!"  One student even told me that he thought Ms. Hudkins had been kidnapped and replaced by an alien or a robot.  I apologized for scaring them, and told them it was really hard for me to be "Mean Ms. Hudkins!"

In pairs and then as a whole group, students discussed the changes they noticed in the classroom, why they thought the changes were made, and whether they liked them.  They made some fantastic observations about the lesson, the classroom, the expected behavior, and so on.  Many of them hated it, but several children did note that it was easier for them to focus on their work in that atmosphere.  The students correctly concluded that this lesson was an example of how classrooms used to be, and it was intended to help them experience change.

Finally, I answered several questions they had.  They included:
"Are we going to keep learning cursive writing?"
"Can we keep the name tags?"
"Where did you put the books that used to be in front of the classroom?"
"Did Mr. Harnish [my co-teacher, who was absent today] know you were going to do this?"
And, my personal favourite, "How did you keep a strict face for so long?"

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Currently reading:  Invisible Monsters by Chuck Palahniuk
Current high:  off to celebrate a friend's birthday tonight!
Current low:  super sleepy, coming back from vacation is kicking my butt