Fear, part 2

I received such overwhelming positive support in response to my last post about fear; thank you all for reading and reaching out with such kindness.  It is truly those demonstrations of friendship and love that reassure me and help me feel okay about this huge choice I've made.

The other night I had a wonderful going away party with four very dear friends:  three of my best friends from high school and MN (now MD!)'s husband, also a good friend of mine.  It was so, so wonderful to see all of them, hear of their recent adventures, and share my recent past and expected future.  They all stayed for about six hours, and for those six hours of great wine and delicious food and fantastic company, I was supremely happy.

But then they went home.  I hugged them all goodbye, made plans to see some again before I leave and keep in touch with others until I return to California (in 2 years???), and returned inside to help clean the kitchen and go to bed.  I went upstairs, changed into pajamas, and promptly burst into tears.  And eventually began hyperventilating.  Oops.

In the midst of my rapid breathing and leaky eyes, I returned to a commencement speech given this year by Dame Julie Andrews.  I saw snatches of it on Tumblr, and one particular quote really stood out to me.  To date, it is the quote that has been most reassuring to me.  She said, "I remember saying once to my husband Blake on the eve of my return to Broadway after a 35 year absence, 'You know, I'm really feeling very frightened about this,' and I began to tear up.  He simply replied, 'Darling, did you actually expect to feel anything else?'  I remembered -- yet again -- that fear is a part of life.  The trick is to recognize it and then press on anyway."

Hearing that relaxed me in a way few other things have.  Of course.  I'm supposed to be scared.  I'm going through a really major transition and there are so many unknown variables and I have much less certainty than I have ever had.  I'm moving to a place where I know no one and can only understand so much about where I'm going.  Who wouldn't be terrified?  And I know that once I get there I'll be okay, because for me, the hardest part is not knowing what's going to happen, and as soon as I am living life there I will feel just fine.  For now, I just have to cope with a couple more days until I dive in.

To wrap up, I offer the wisdom my friend TB offered me on Facebook after my last post of fear:  "Feel the fear and do it anyway :)"

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Currently reading:  still between books -- I am knitting frantically trying to finish a project before I leave!
Current high:  pretty much packed!
Current low:  trying to remember all the last tiny things to do before Thursday morning...