Lately I have been coming to terms with the fact that what I have decided to do with the next year or two of my life is a really scary thing. It's probably the scariest thing I've done in my 23 years: moving to a foreign country by myself where I know no one. And I've often said that it's scary. But what I don't know if I have yet said out loud is that I am scared.
I am scared that I won't make friends with my coworkers.
I am scared that I won't be good at my job.
I am scared that the friendships I have built over the last four years will decay.
I am scared that I will be unhappy.
I am scared that I won't like living in that culture.
I am scared that I will be unable to find or create community.
I am scared that I will be lonely.
I am scared that I don't know what to expect.
I am scared that I will make really big mistakes.
I am scared that this is a mistake, that I made the wrong choice.
About a month ago, my best friend EE told me, "Write your own stories. For you." So hopefully, by now saying all of that out loud, I am a little closer to being okay with it.
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Currently reading: Making the PYP Happen
Current high: cooking up scalloped potatoes, my ultimate comfort food
Current low: not knowing what's going to happen next
Remember, even if it's the hugest mistake in the whole world, to move across the world, it's only for a year (if you want it to be) and you'll probably learn something from it. (Of course, I doubt it's going to be a mistake. They hired you for a reason!) Your friendships will change, that's inevitable. But you also make new friends, even within the MHC group. Some of my closest people *now* are not the same group I was close with *then,* which is the craziest, most unexpected part. You're going to be awesome AND you're going to make mistakes. Making mistakes does not negate the awesome.
ReplyDelete(Insert story here about how I moved somewhere that I didn't know anyone after college, when everyone else went to Boston or NYC... blah blah, old person talking.)