Tomorrow's the day...and I think I'm as ready as I'll ever be. I've read, underlined, and packed my summer reading books. I've shipped three boxes over and packed my suitcases for the flight. My computer's hard drive is backed up so I can transfer it all onto my work computer upon arrival. All my important documents have been photocopied in triplicate -- one to leave with my folks, one to carry with me, one to leave in my apartment. I am armed with several great playlists on my new iPhone, a bunch of Disney movies on my iPad (thanks EE!), and a wealth of Kindle and Nook novels downloaded onto both to entertain me as I travel.
One of my biggest fears has been about maintaining the friendships that I have worked so hard to cultivate for the last four years. I was feeling alright about my high school friends; we've weathered five years of living apart, so the ones who were going to stick around have done so. I've not had such a chance with most of my best friends from college (although JH and I managed a fairly serious separation junior year!). However, at this point, I feel really confident in all of the friendships I care most about. We've kept in touch through the summer like we never have before, I got to reconnect with many of my best friends on my vacation to Boston and New York, and I deeply trust that I have their support and love through this transitional period.
People have asked me several times over the past weeks how I'm feeling. "Fine," I've told them, "because I haven't been thinking about it." It's not denial, it's knowing myself well. I can worry up a storm if I let myself, particularly when going into a great unknown. Most of this control freak's anxiety stems from not knowing what it will be like when I get there, and I can work myself into a panic spiral. See also yesterday's post about hyperventilating on Saturday night :P So as the big day has approached, I've worked to keep my mind and hands as busy as possible with crafting and TV galore. Either it's going to be okay or it's not, but there's a 99% chance it's going to be okay. On Friday, I'll start to find that out for certain.
An odd thought struck me recently: although California continues to be my permanent address, I don't think I'll be back to my "home" for at least a year, and probably closer to two. I've even started packing up my bedroom of the last eight years and storing a few boxes in the attic, knowing that the next time I come here, it will probably be to move out entirely. I have returned again and again to a lyric from a Blink-182 song, introduced to me by my friend SN on a mix CD in 8th grade: "Well, I guess this is growing up."
Wish me smooth travel, a restful flight, and an adventurous spirit! It's been real, United States...see you in December.
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Currently reading: The Interestings (or at least, I'm starting it on the plane tomorrow -- thanks for the recommendation, NB!)
Current high: excited to start my new life!
Current low: feeling "anxhilerated," a term coined by my father
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